Clearly, I work myself into a tizzy late at night, post a few frustrated low-substance messages all in a row, then do nothing for two weeks. Instead, I will now try to post a non-frustrated high-content message: every sign and bumper sticker I can remember from two visits to the Five Points Cafe in Seattle a week ago:

We Cheat Tourists N Drunks since 1929 (neon sign in front). Alcoholics Serving Alchoholics Since 1929 (employee shirts). Familiary Breeds Contempt. So many freaks, so few circuses. If I gave a shit, you’d be the first one I’d give it to. How may I ignore you today? Come back with a warrant. Pay your sin taxes here (letter board on front sign). Warning: prices vary depending on attitude of customer. For service, ring bell then fuck yourself (modified from either ‘then serve yourself” or “then get it yourself”). No dicks (modified from “No Checks”). Where the hell is Deadhorse, Alaska. Employees Must Wipe Ass. Many many Polaroids of women flashing the bartender. We Reserve The Right to Refuse Service, attached over a large sign that says STUPID. Hot beer, lousy food, bad service – Welcome! – have a nice day! A caseless CD taped to the edge of a shelf over coffee mugs, with a Guest Check saying LIZ attached to its front.


This was published on 02 May 2005.
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